“And be grateful. Our scars have the power to remind us the past was real” – Hannibal
Yesterday I stopped in at my regular Laotian kitchen in the city for lunch. The kid at the counter, a Junior in High School as it turned out, noticed a card in my wallet and started asking questions about the military. Unlike the wily, excited questions we’re all used to, he was calm and focused. Until I found out who he was, I thought it may be one of those “I almost joined” conversations.
He told me he was speaking with a recruiter, but wasn’t sure he could sign yet. I asked why. He said he was not a citizen. I said that didn’t matter. He said he was a refugee… I told him that at one point so was I. He mentioned only being in the country about a year, and not having a legal alien or a green card. Well, he has plenty of time I told him, but the latter would be required.
What struck me about the conversation was his direction. He was focused and knowledgeable to the point that he could be. He wasn’t sure if he should do college or some college before enlisting, as his family wanted him too. He felt obligated to pay back his family in some way for bringing him to this country, at least by satisfying their goals for him. He also said he wanted to go Special Forces, and his eyes lit up when we spoke about being a paratrooper.
I offered to stop back to check and see how he’s doing and answer any questions. Surprisingly, at times recruiters may not be forthcoming with information. This meeting got me thinking about different ways in which people embrace their goals, motivation and drive.
For a large group reading this, the motivators might be very similar. Fallen friends, warriors who got injured and overcame, persevered, and inspired. I feel guilty when I don’t produce and when I see guys with missing limbs running miles, knocking out push-ups or starting businesses, and I relax for an extra thirty minutes.
We’re supposed to teach our kids the benefits of hard work and seeing the results of the sacrifices we made. We feel the need to make something from the minute we awake. Make your bed – you can see one thing accomplished and are on your way for more. Make coffee, breakfast and you get to eat. Make yourself do the extra lap, give your wife an extra hug… Doing things we don’t have to, but should for other reasons in itself pushes us to do more. Try out for promotion, decide to do RASP, leave the comfort zone to make more, be more or start over. Sometimes doing the automatic gets our mind to turn the dial up to the next level until we can do the next difficult, yet automatic thing. Keep at it…until we can get through the difficult and then what happens?
In doing these things we confirm that the world is often not like us. That rewards don’t necessarily come out of every commitment, honorable decision or merit.
People get promoted when the priority is a political cushion for the management. People you expect to be leaders take the path of least resistance, flowing like water when they should be a dam. Values of honor and integrity give way to selfish aspirations. They become habits to some, much like our drive, push and “makes” are habits to us. But we will not be derailed, we will not assimilate and we will not change. We will not let ourselves or just as importantly, each other. The “chosen few” will always be – few.
The question is what is it that makes us drive harder and faster, to choose one over the other at any given time, and to stay true to who we are?
That’s a tough question that has a complex answer and not something I can do here. Nature versus nurture? The reality, answers and challenges are different for everyone, but also change individually day-to-day, and sometimes more often than that.
What I can say here come from Rabbi Noah Weinberg: “People often avoid making decisions out of fear of making a mistake. Actually, the failure to make decisions is one of life’s biggest mistakes.”
It seems best to try then fail than to never try doing something at all. It seems that difficulties, whether forced upon us or sought out, strengthen the mind. We should seek out more adversity in our life. Something to think about. Just my thoughts. Ask yourself.”Why do I do what I do?”
Good night, and good luck.
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