Tue. Jul 14th, 2020

Spotter Up

In Depth Tactical Solutions

I Had to Kill my Self, before I Killed Myself

2 min read

I speak not ignorantly, but with unfortunate intimacy. My father killed himself when I was 16; I have lost brothers from suicide due to the War and transition, I myself have tried and struggled with those demons in the past.

The common denominator of self destruction when broken down to its core is pride. When in the darkness, the storm, the fray; Pride, is the silent enemy that drowns our reason. Pride causes us to continue forward despite logic and wisdom or advice. Pride causes us when faced with facts and truth, to become angry, cruel, defensive, even accusing others of being crazy, manipulative, or mean, or not understanding. All because we were convicted or faced with the consequences of our decisions or being held accountable.

That leads to self pity, self destruction, rejecting help from others for self help and in failing or making mistakes or not doing all we once said we were; we then blame ourselves and drop deeper into depression. Feeling like a failure, or lost, or no purpose, or a fck up, or I’m to far gone, I’m not who I was, etc. the list goes on…

We all fall, we all will fail, and anybody who judges and condemns instead of offering love and encouragement you need to drop them from your life. There is a difference between being held accountable in love and feeling convicted; and someone berating you, shaming you, and feeling condemned.

When you realize that you are no different than everyone else. That we all fall short, we all will die, we all make mistakes and go through trials, we all face hardship either by our hands or out of our hands. That it is part of life, life is a blessing even in the darkest times, we are blessed that we’re alive to have those feelings. Then even more so that through the storm later in life we can say we lived a full life and experienced all we could that it offers. Those themselves are blessings.

Where ever you are at right now, pause. Breathe, reach out to someone do something, anything but suffering alone from loss or hardships or storms or whatever is going on in life. There is absolutely no reason to deal with.

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