You have no choice now but to enter the eye of the storm inside you. The storm of life or whatever you know it as, maybe it’s the deepest darkest part of the woods of your soul. Visualize it to whatever it means most to you. I once heard someone describe looking inward to them looked like a cliff face that was full of overhangs all the way to the top and this person was afraid of heights. You cannot solve a problem using the same thinking you used when you created it. In order to live, you have to die and become what you want to be as opposed to what you are now. The only person who can undertake this feat is….
What you want most will be found where you least want to look, if you don’t know how to self-reflect, how to look inside yourself, then talk to someone who can show you how, read some books, there are literally 100s of videos on the internet that go into great detail, do what works for you. Write it down, it doesn’t have to make sense but vomit it all out somehow or other and face it full on. Try to write a journal, your own thoughts may horrify you but this is where the most growth occurs. You will find yourself writing some very uncomfortable truths. There is no onus for you to show it to anyone, you can destroy it afterwards if you want, but you need to start somewhere. Many great books have been written by those who just sat down to search inwards on paper.
In order to move on from this darkness, believe it or not the uncomfortable truths will light the way; they will lay down the road out of where you are now. Convenient lies will keep you in the wandering darkness forever. The truth is important and we have been taught that in many ways, whether it is from the bible or parents/elders or some framework in school. What was often omitted or misunderstood in these instances, and equally if not more important is not only being truthful with yourself but how to be truthful with yourself. The lies will weigh you down. The avoidance will cause you pain. It will fill your pack with things which are unbearable to carry and you will eventually fall to your knees. Carl Jung said “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” What have you done? If you can’t be truthful to yourself then how can you be truthful with others?
In order to keep moving now you need to face the truth, face yourself, there is no one else that can do it for you. Tear off the plaster; walk into the deepest darkest part of the forest of yourself, just like the Knights of king Arthur in search of the Holy Grail. This story has been told across many civilizations but unfortunately it’s metaphoric value is lost on many because of how it is taught nowadays. Metaphorical tales and legends we were told as children should be read again by adults. We are lost in now a myriad of movies and fiction novels that no longer carry these messages with any efficacy; Hollywood has burnt out the good versus evil, the duality of man. The simplicity of one of the oldest messages of time is fading away when we need it the most, it has become lost in a quest for the best CGI, the biggest budget and the loudest bangs. Occasionally we are treated to something that carries a meaningful message but generally not, this message is possibly as old as when we developed the human consciousness we know today, and I ponder regularly that the beauty insight offers often bears a heavy price.
The Knights of Arthur in search of the Holy Grail all entered the forest in the area that appeared as darkest to them but not together, only you an individual can show yourself where that is. If you do not enter this forest you will continue to wander the desert wastelands of your own life. If you can figure out how to be the best you can be then you will find your grail and be of service to yourself and others in a meaningful way.
In Sterquiliniis Invenitur loosely translates to “in filth it will be found”. A phrase I first discovered in reading Carl Jung Vol 13, The Alchemical Studies. This phrase has more recently been brought to prominence by Dr. Jordan Peterson in his biblical lecture series.
The grail is your self- actualization… you can’t get the “gold” of your life until you slay “your own internal dragons”…