Sun. Nov 17th, 2019

Spotter Up

In Depth Tactical Solutions

Searching for Youth

2 min read

A U.S. Air Force Guardian Angel Team, consisting of pararescuemen, combat rescue officers and survival, evasion, resistance and escape specialists, assigned to the 83rd Expeditionary Rescue Squadron, Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan, sit on the aircraft before performing a high altitude, low opening military free fall jump working with a C-130J Super Hercules flown by the 774th Expeditionary Airlift Squadron, Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan, March 23, 2018. Guardian Angel Team members conduct training on all aspects of combat, medical procedures and search and rescue tactics to hone their skills, providing the highest level of tactical capabilities to combatant commanders. (U.S. Air Force Photo by Tech. Sgt. Gregory Brook)


“I hope when I begin to search deep into my heart that I’ll still find youth.”~Michael Kurcina. I’m terrified sometimes to look into to the past. Simply petrified at what I’ll find; old haunts, dead friends, abandoned lovers, and too many allegorical lessons to learn. I’m a coward and I have no stomach for it. Flickering thoughts by some damaged filament delivers truth to me intermittently. I’m frozen by my memories… though I can still see the hills, can still see those lights of home, and even the door. Although I’m far away from them sometimes they are graspable in this instant but there is hesitation in returning. The thought of the rich past like a loving parent pulling me in with outstretched arms is too welcoming but there’s some dark there as well from those halcyon moments; the loss of friends, of time and innocence burned into ashes bleeds onto water. Simply having to face untrackable steps backwards to youth that run into an unmeasurable sea that drowns real memory terrifies me. What I lost, well, I’m simply not ready to go back there yet.”

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