January 22, 2021

Spotter Up

In Depth Tactical Solutions

Have you been torn down, broken, and left with missing pieces in your life? Has your self-worth been devalued, discarded, and left deserted? I am here to tell you that you aren’t alone. The conflict you face from being in an abusive relationship is one many men face. Although, we prefer to put on a mask rather than display our emotions; we can’t help but to retain internal conflict.

Relationships come and go in our lives. People tend to walk in and out of your life without ever reflecting to see the damage that is created internally. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. This war you rage in your soul is inevitably the love you once felt for another. As this love fades, you relive every memory, trying to discern the good from the bad. This self conflict that arouses your cognitive dissonance enough to ask the question: “Was I not good enough?” This is the war we as men face when matched with evil, abusive relationships.

The questions of our own value and self-worth resonate within. What you have to understand is that you are in fact good enough, you just lacked the boundaries for yourself during a relationship where you were love-bombed and made vulnerable by the person who was manipulating you from the very beginning. That opening up your heart and mind wasn’t a bad thing, it was in fact empathy, love, and adoration that we all find peace in.

Love is a powerful feeling that all men desire; to be valued, good enough, and desired by one. Do we let ourselves be degraded in this game of love or do we find boundaries, make mental notes, and remember that not all people are good and have our best interest in life and love? This is a war I face now. I am playing back the notion of what was real in my mind and heart, yet seems to be only a game in the other person’s life. A trick on emotions; a trick used to expose your vulnerabilities and in turn use them against you to break you down until you were of no longer value, and then utterly discarded in the end.

So how do you resolve this war? You don’t in a toxic relationship, because closure never comes from the other person, but from within. You have to battle this onslaught of emotions and study the toxicity rather than run from it. Understand the emotions that brought you into this turmoil and only then will you begin to heal and win this internal war you face. Remember your worth, strive to understand and grow, and never quit on love, but remember the war you faced with the wrong person. Only to be prepared for the right one when the time comes.

Michael Billings

*The views and opinions expressed on this website are solely those of the original authors and contributors. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of Spotter Up Magazine, the administrative staff, and/or any/all contributors to this site.

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