There I set, in the place where we first met. Some time had passed since we split ways, but somehow the connection still lingered. Was it in only in my mind? Was I ever in yours? The perfect place, or one so I thought when we first crossed paths. Now, I sit where it all began at a loss of words, wondering if the connection would soon end.
A beer sits on the table next to a silent phone which once lit up with your name. As the thoughts fluttered in and out of my mind with each sip, I wondered if another round would bring back the light of her smile or the darkening of her soul. Another sip, hoping for a glimmer of the past or the fading of the presence; I could only hope I would soon know.
The absence of what once was filled my now heavy heart. Could I conquer this or would this conquer me? I struggle with the thought of losing myself after we lost each other. The dampening of my lips with each sip doesn’t seem to drown out the bitter taste left in my mouth. I don’t want to give up, I don’t want to quit. Sometimes though it seems its better to know when to quit than lying to myself and hurting the people I care about most.
I’m down to my last sip. At a loss for words, I scream your name; the perfect place is no longer the same. Where do I go? How do I pick myself up?
These questions flood through my veins like the beer flowing into the glass. I can’t tell you how to pick yourself up, but what I can tell you is how not to quit on yourself. At this point you may feel like you are backed into a corner. Struggling to hold on or let go of what can either be hurting you or holding you down from finding that peace not only for yourself but for those who stand around you willing to help.
With your back to the wall there is only one direction to go and that is forward. Even now, as I move forward I still recall those distant memories lingering around that I once desired from the woman I thought would be by my side for the long run. Her name doesn’t fade from my mind; my mind just grows stronger with time. They say time is both the healer of wounds and the breaker of men. The struggle doesn’t get easier, we just get more resilient as our life doesn’t stop progressing further. Surround yourself with those who care about your mental health. Those people who help you set the glass down; half full or empty and extend their arms out towards you when feel backed into that corner. Grab hold and bound forward with each step. Do these things for yourself and those who care about you most, rather than sinking into depression.
You don’t ever have to forget their name, the person who once stole your heart. Learn from me when I say, their name will fade, but the face will always stay the same; a distant memory of what you overcame.
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