“I hope when I begin to search deep into my heart that I’ll still find youth.”~Michael Kurcina. I’m terrified sometimes to look into to the past. Simply petrified at what I’ll find; old haunts, dead friends, abandoned lovers, and too many allegorical lessons to learn. I’m a coward and I have no stomach for it. Flickering thoughts by some damaged filament delivers truth to me intermittently. I’m frozen by my memories… though I can still see the hills, can still see those lights of home, and even the door. Although I’m far away from them sometimes they are graspable in this instant but there is hesitation in returning. The thought of the rich past like a loving parent pulling me in with outstretched arms is too welcoming but there’s some dark there as well from those halcyon moments; the loss of friends, of time and innocence burned into ashes bleeds onto water. Simply having to face untrackable steps backwards to youth that run into an unmeasurable sea that drowns real memory terrifies me. What I lost, well, I’m simply not ready to go back there yet.”
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